


Match My Breathing

by SenpaisPants



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Lukas is a bean, M/M, Panic Attacks, Philip deserves the world
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-30
Updated: 2016-12-30
Packaged: 2018-09-13 09:13:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9116899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SenpaisPants/pseuds/SenpaisPants
Summary: I really liked the idea that in 1x10, Lukas is extremely anxious about riding his bike again because of what happened the last time he rode it. And Philip has to help him through it. WELL this is what I think might have happened??





	

**Author's Note:**

> I just want to thank everyone who has read and left comments/kudos on my other fanfics! I love every single one of them. <3 
> 
> As always, I own nothing about Eyewitness!   
> Sorry, if someone has already thought of this, but whatever :^)

It had been two weeks since the incident with Ryan, but it had been two weeks filled with absolute bliss. The boys had been attached at the hip every night, whether they were at Lukas’s house or in Philip’s bedroom. They would sit and talk about anything that popped into their heads, watch shitty movies and laugh at the bad acting, and sometimes they would just cuddle close and jam out to the playlist Philip had made a month or two ago.

It was one of those afternoons, where they just silently lounge across Lukas’s bed. Philip was propped up against the headboard while Lukas lay sprawled sideways with his head cradled in his boyfriend’s lap. The brunet couldn’t help but run his fingers through the bleach, blonde locks, successfully messing up Lukas’s ‘badass hairdo’—or so he claimed it to be.  

Philip tugged on one of the locks in order to gain Lukas’s attention. The other was clearly falling asleep from all the petting, and Philip would be damned, if the idiot was going to fall asleep on him. A single icy blue eye blinks open and Lukas’s grumbles as a response. “What?”

“You’re falling asleep.” Philip mutters teasingly to which Lukas sighs and snuggles his face further into his boyfriend’s lap. “That’s the point.” With that being said, Lukas slips the one eye closed again. Philip scoffs and pulls on a different piece of hair. This time Lukas opens both eyes and fixes them on the male above him.

“I’m going to take a wild guess and say that I’m not going to get to take a nap.” Lukas breathes out, his eyebrows furrowing together in annoyance. Philip promptly shakes his head and pushes the bangs out of the blonde’s forehead, leaning down to kiss him there, “I want to do something.”

At this, Lukas perks up, a lazy smile stretching across his boyish features. “Oh? I think I could help with that.” His body shifts upwards, one of his hands reaching up to pull Philip down into a soft kiss while the other props himself up. This makes Philip laugh, but return the kiss for a quick second, then, he’s shoving Lukas lightly, breaking the kiss.

“No, not that, you _idiot._ ” Philip smiles and wets his lips, tasting the remnants of their kiss on his mouth.

Lukas groans lowly and drops back down, rather dramatically. What a _Drama Queen._ “You really know how to kill a mood, don’t you?” He says, crossing his arms over his chest like a pouting child being denied his favorite toy.

The brunet once again resumes running his slim fingers through the messy, blonde hair, enjoying the sight of his boyfriend as he relaxes against his gentle touch. “I was thinking of something else—something we haven’t done in a while.”

“Like what?” Is all Lukas says, eyelids drooping closed.

Philip tilts his head to the side and shrugs his shoulders. Brown eyes move to look down at his own fingers before they shift back up to meet Lukas’s closed ones. “Maybe, we could go for a ride?” His voice drops down to a whisper as he asks, already knowing what Lukas will say. The other’s reaction is instant. Lukas blinks up at the other and sighs deeply, a frown tugging on the corners of his pale lips.

“ _Philip.”_ He states lowly. A soft _warning_.

“C’mon, Lukas. You haven’t been out there in like three—four weeks, right? Your fans are _begging_ for some more footage for your channel.” Philip whines slightly, his skin itching to be on the back of that bike again.

“No.” Lukas huffs and sits up fully, running a hand through his mused hair in hopes of making it look decent again. His back was to Philip now, clearly not wanting to talk about the subject anymore.

However, the other’s answer doesn’t discourage Philip’s plan—simply encourages it. He switches tactics and places a hand on Lukas’s shoulder, leaning behind him to whisper close into his ear. “If you take me out for one ride, we can do _whatever_ you want to do tonight, okay?” There’s a moments hesitation where Lukas seems to actually be thinking about it, so Philip decides to seal the deal and lean even closer to the blonde. His long arms slip over Lukas’s shoulders, pulling him back to Philip’s chest.

“Please? Do it for me, you…” He pauses and rolls his eyes, hoping Lukas couldn’t see his face. “You _savage_.” He purrs the last part, knowing full well that it riles Lukas up to hear him say that.

A beat of silence passes before Lukas sighs softly and turns his head to look at Philip from over his shoulder. “Fine. One ride and that’s it. No tricks ‘n shit. Okay?”

Philip nods quickly, a sudden smile stretching onto his face.

 

* * *

 

A horrible feeling settles in his chest as he descends the stairs with Philip and it only grows as they approach the shed that holds his motorbike. It had probably already started collecting dust from lack of usage. Ever since that _day_ , Lukas has refused to touch or even go near the thing. It reminds him too much of the pain that had exploded inside of his chest that day, too much of the fall into that small body of water, too much time he’d lost with Philip while he was unconscious, and too much pain he put his Dad, his friends, and Philip through. So, he hadn’t been near it since, making his dad do most of the maintenance on it until he was ready—if he was ready--to get on it again.

Even as he laced his boots and strapped on his shin and elbow pads, he couldn’t shake the terrible weight pressing down on him. Philip hadn’t seemed to notice because he was too excited about riding on the back of it again. Lukas guessed it was from the fact that the only thing Philip could really ride was that stupid bicycle of his.

The blonde followed Philip out of the house and towards the familiar shed, the feeling of dread clouding his mind. Philip does the honors of pushing the doors open and he steps through first, a childlike grin on his beautiful face. Only when Lukas steps inside does he see the shiny motorbike that’s propped up against one of the walls. The paint is glossy like it had just been shined a day or two ago. He takes a step towards the bike and fiddles with the keys like he’s going to put them in, but for some reason, he can’t bring himself to. 

“Lukas?” Philip asks somewhere behind him, but Lukas can barely hear him. It sounds fuzzy to him. At first, Lukas thinks it’s his imagination, but Philip speaks again and _again_ it’s fuzzy. However, it’s so fuzzy that Lukas can barely distinguish the words.  

Lukas barely notices that his chest is heaving rapidly now as his bright blue eyes stay transfixed on the sleek body of his motorbike. Images of that day cloud his mind, making him relive every minute of getting shot. The warm _kisses_ from Philip, the _excitement_ from getting to try out his new bike, the _bullet_ penetrating his chest from Ryan, the _blood_ flowing freely from his body, the _fear_ as he falls off his bike by gravity, and the _acceptance_ of _death_ as he smacks onto the surface of the water—his mind falling deeper into the blackness.

The pure agony of floating there unable to do anything, but stare in utter shock as his life fades away. The list of things he never got to do race through his mind—never got to graduate, never got to grow up, never got to kiss Philip in front of everyone, never got to live.

 _What if_ it happens again… _what if_ Ryan isn’t actually dead… _what if_ he doesn’t make it this time… _what if_ … _what if…what if._

The _what if_ scenarios continue to race through his head, making his heart beat even faster. It’s like he can’t even breathe. He can’t concentrate—everything’s too blurry and fuzzy. It’s all too much. His eyelids slip close in hopes that it would make everything _stop._

He can’t…

He just—

Can’t _breathe_.

The images are so r _eal_ and _vivid._ It’s like he’s there again. And that feeling alone makes his body shutter from head to toe. The force of the shiver has him dropping the bike keys to the ground while his fingers curl into his palm. His nails leave little half-moon indentions in the palm of his hand as they dig into his skin. It feels as though someone is pricking his skin with needles everywhere simultaneously. 

Suddenly, there’s a soft touch to his right hand as well as to the side of his face, cradling his cheek. A calming voice shoots through the chaos, bringing Lukas back to reality—only slightly. “Breathe, Lukas.” The voice says instructively. However, it’s calming and soothing at the same time. Lukas _tries._ He tries so _hard_ to breathe normally again, but it just isn’t that simple.

“I can’t—“ He grits out and furrows his eyebrows together, body shaking. _What the hell was happening to him?_

“ _Lukas,_ look at me.” The voice says and Lukas can’t help but do what the voice says. With visible reluctance, Lukas peels his eyelids open and glances down. It’s Philip. His brown orbs are studying Lukas closely, no doubt trying to analyze the situation. _Typical Philip._

“You need to breathe, Lukas. You’re having a panic attack, okay?” Philip states calmly— _how the hell can he be so damn calm?_ Lukas can’t help the confusion that swells up inside him on top of everything else that’s happening at the moment. A _panic attack?_ No, not him--he couldn’t be. He continues to deny this up until he actually hears his breathing. Its coming out in short and harsh bursts.

“Try and match my breathing, okay?” Philip brings both his hands to Lukas’s face and cups his cheeks softly in order to tilt his head down fully. The other breathes louder in hopes that Lukas might mimic it, so Lukas tries. It doesn’t work. He only succeeds in stressing his body out further.

His chest is starting to hurt from shaking so much and he can sense that Philip, himself, is starting to panic. “U-uh, try and think of something else, okay? Your dad? Rose? Me? Motocross?” Shaking his head violently, Lukas glances away and lets out a strained sound as his eyes drift back over to the bike. All of the sudden, his legs give out from underneath him, causing him to tumble to the ground. Philip’s there in an instant, crouching beside Lukas and cradling his face again. A whole new wave of emotions grip him, causing him to feel even worse. It felt like a sumo-wrestler was dancing on his ribcage while an elephant sat on his throat.

The brunet glances from Lukas over to the bike behind them, suddenly connecting the dots. He shakes his head softly and turns back to Lukas, eyes narrowed at him. “ _Lukas_ , he’s gone. He can’t get us anymore--okay?” A few moments pass by with silence while Philip caresses his cheeks lovingly. When nothing changes with Lukas’s breathing, Philip furrows his brows and shifts closer to the other male, making sure that all Lukas could see was him. “I love you.” He bluntly states and locks eyes with the blonde before smashing their lips together.

Those three words suddenly make the world stop. Wait--Philip loves him? Him? Philip _loves him._ He feels his shoulders instantly relax while his chest halts it’s shaking as the kiss takes over him. Lukas practically melts into it, his hands moving to Philip’s sides—just holding onto him. A minute passes by before either one breaks the kiss. It’s Philip, who does. It's a sudden realization that his chest, hands, and legs don't hurt anymore. It no longer feels like someone is running him over with a semi-truck. And it was all thanks to Philip. 

They stare at one another closely. Lukas has his mouth hanging open slightly, breath slowly returning to normal. Blue eyes run over his boyfriend’s face as Philip does the same, tongue darting out to run it over his bottom lip.

“Ho—how’d you know how to do that?” Lukas asks, his voice a soft whisper.

Philip visibly gulps and shrugs his shoulders, cheeks reddening a little. “I got ‘em sometimes when I lived with my mom.” His eyes dart away like he was reliving a painful memory, but he looks back over to Lukas no more than a second later, “It helps to match someone else’s breathing or to think about something else—or to hold your breath for a bit.”

It grows silent between the two as they continue to stare at one another. Neither of them want to address the elephant in the room. It’s Philip again, who breaks the silence. He nods slowly and moves to stand up. There’s mud stains on the caps of his knees and he groans in annoyance. “ _Great,_ Helen’s gonna have a fit about this.” He laughs, a small smile on his thin lips.

Lukas, too, rises to his feet and wets his suddenly dry lips, blue eyes fixed on Philip. “Did you mean it?” He blurts without thinking about it as Philip scrapes at the muddy dots on his knees in hopes that they would come off—no such luck, but he continues to try anyway. However when those four words are out of Lukas’s mouth, Philip’s movements falter briefly and Lukas wonders if he’d stepped over the line, but soon enough Philip shrugs his shoulders and glances down at the ground, resuming his previous action. “Yeah, I mean, I like you—a lot actually.”

“But that’s not what you said.” Lukas interjects in a ‘matter-of-fact’ type tone, eyes narrowing.

This earns him a huff from Philip while he continues to bat at his knee caps. “Fine. I do, alright? Happy?”

His stomach gives a soft twitch at that—it’s a good twist though. Lukas steps forward and waits for Philip to straighten back up before swooping down to capture his lips in a quick kiss. “Actually, I am.” He mumbles afterwards with his own soft smile appearing on his face. “Because I _lovvveee_ you, too.” He draws out his words and laughs as Philip rolls his eyes at the blonde.    
  
“You know I thought we were actually having a moment, you know? Then, you go and ruin it.” Philip retorts playfully and crosses his arms over his chest, pretending to be mad. This makes Lukas huff and roll his eyes playfully. “Aw, come on, babe. You know, I—“ He can’t help it—damn his immaturity--,”I _loooooovvvvvveeeeeee youuuu._ ”

“Shut up.”

This time Philip teasingly smacks him in the arm and leans down to pick up the discarded keys from the ground. He holds them and glances over at Lukas, a single brow raising. “You wanna go inside? Watch a movie or something?”

Lukas, too, looks at the motorbike, then shifts his gaze back to his boyfriend. Again time seems to stand still, but this time…everything is clear. He can distinctively see the way the afternoon light filters in through the cracks of the shed onto Philip’s face and hair. It highlights his best attributes. His eyes seem brighter, turning from a dark, muggy brown to a vibrant, scintillating caramel with gold flecks sprinkling the outer rim of the pupil. Philip’s adorable bow lips curl as he smiles wide, his tiny canine’s popping out from beneath his upper lip. He’s freaking gorgeous with his long limbs and messy hair. The whole scene reminds Lukas of how thankful he is to be alive—to be standing here with Philip. It makes him realize that life is too short. He doesn’t want anything to hinder their time together—not something as little as a panic attack. If Philip wants to take a ride, Lukas is going to give it to him--as long as they're together. 

“No.” Lukas quips and snatches the keys from Philip, moving around him to the bike. He picks both bike helmets and tosses one at Philip, slipping the other one onto his arm. Once he's standing next to the bike, he guides it off the wall and starts off toward the doors to the shed, wheeling the bike out into the open air. Only when he has it outside does he look back at Philip, who has followed but is just staring at Lukas like he couldn’t believe what was happening.

  
“What?” Lukas questions, brows furrowed together.   
  
Philip snorts softly and leans against the shed door, clutching the bike helmet to his side. “Lukas, are you sure you wanna go out there? I mean—you just had a—I just want to make sure you’re not going to flip out while we’re out riding.”

This makes Lukas sigh and kick his bike’s brake out, then he walks over to Philip, who just squares his shoulders at the other. When he finally makes it over, Lukas quickly dives in for a soft peck on the other’s mouth before stating, “Look, man. As long as you’re behind me, I’m going to be fine, okay?” A flash of hesitance crosses over Philip’s face before he’s nodding, “Alright, alright. But if I die and become a ghost, you can bet your ass I’m haunting you first.”

Lukas chuckles and pecks the other’s lips again, muttering close to them. “Just get on the bike, idiot.” He turns away with a grin and throws a leg over the bike, picking up his discarded helmet and pulling it on. He shifts forward slightly and turns the key into the ignition. As a result, the bike comes alive beneath his legs with a loud roar, then slowly eases into a soft purr.

A few seconds pass before the bike jiggles slightly. Suddenly, there’s a body pressing against his back and arms wrap around his middle. God, he missed this—the feeling of Philip _there—_ so close to him. It's not like when they're holding each other at night. No, this is different. They did this before everything bad happened to them. It's a friendly reminder of the past. “Lukas, just be careful. I’m not too keen on dying today.” A muffled voice pleads from behind him.

Lukas laughs and turns his head slightly, enough to look at Philip in the eyes. “I’m always careful.” He pauses, a smile on his lips. “But, Philip, in case _we_ do die, just know…that my stomach hurts when I’m with you.” He can see Philip’s eyes widen before he turns back around. With that, he flips the sun flap on his helmet shut and revs the engine before speeding off down the dirt road.   
  
Not a care in the world with Philip by his side.   


**Author's Note:**

> This was my first serious fanfiction ever(????), so please don't be mean with the comments. I hope I approached the subject of panic attacks well. If not, sorry?????


End file.
